A Team

"White lips, pale face
breathing in snow flakes, 
burnt lungs, sour taste"

I'm not quite sure what A team really means, but as a student, I relate this A strongly with my education and perhaps the struggles of every student as they cope with school. I never really noticed, but my school is quite competitive. Although competition is healthy, and I had grown used to my school's environment, it was always quite there.

In 10th grade, the way of showing your worth was by getting 9 A* in the boards. Although I aspired for this, and was quite capable, a simple slip of nervousness in my exams made me fall from that stature. In my opinion, that is the sour lemon I still have not been able to swallow. Although I am over it, it affects me every day, burning the branches and leaves of my lungs, preventing me from reaching out to where I aspire to be and have always believed I have belonged. Recently, I had aspired to reach somewhere. Although I failed, I know that had I got even 8A*, I would have gone places. It seems like although I am satisfied with the compromise, it still sows bitter seeds in me, the sour juice affecting me at every step.

"But lately her face seems
Slowly sinking, wasting
Crumbling like pastries"

"Crumbling like pastries" is perhaps one of my favourite lines of all time, with a succinct use of euphemism. My failure to reach to where I really wanted to reach, even more than the 9 A*, has left me simply broken, disintegrating. I don't know myself as someone other than the person who would have succeeded. I believed that I was destined for it. No one else. I can't see myself without it and yet, here I am, empty handed. These last couple of days have left my questioning what my worth really is.